im still alive.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdKetIHDymc

i cant feel you threw the ice around my heart

fuck this shit. im so tired of the fact that i have to feel bad for everything thats happened to me. why is it when im the one who gets left cheated on hit yelled at and disrespected im still some how a bad person who is being too mean? are you fucking kidding me? you wonder why you need be yelled at because bitch you havent suffered like i did. you should have crawled on your hands and fucking knees and begged me. you act all sad and down like you have bad luck with guys but you are the problem. you never listen you fight everything, your logic has no reason, its like you dont want things to be good you just try and find reasons to fight. i cant take it anymore, stop blamming everything else and start blamming yourself, because when you break up with someone because we are talking on the phone and your bored and 4 hours away and you blame me for that fact. you blamed me for EVERYTHING. you flirt with other guys because i could only come every weekend. nothing i did was ever good enough for you it was always expected. well no you can go have all the fun you want with aaron cuz that little bitch was to scared to talk to me and fyi he will just 2 time you like his other girl friend and like you did me. but then again you 2 can just cheat on each other and it will be like normal. im sure you already have a few guys lined up that you like i know you dont really wast any time. you never knew what it ment to love me and honestly you never will. i may die young but when i do i wont regret anything and ill be happy with the life i have, because its not about the girts i can buy you how far i traveled or any of that it was about just seeing your smiling face and knowing you were mine. but what the fuck ever none of that ever mattered to you and now you dont matter to me. i hate you and i hope what you did to me happens to you i want you to really fall in love with someone and have them cheat on you so you know how bad it feels and then ill forgive you.

death cant find me fast enough

well it looks like i my have to cross a line i never dreamed i would need to but if some people wanna push then they should have realized i push back : ). so depending on this go i might be telling you ALL the fun details about me and crystals little 2 year relationship that she so convenitly lives out when talking about it so i look like a total dick. wellllllllllllllllllllllllllll thats all going to change because if she thought i was being "mean" well i might just blow her mind.