im fading... fading away...

im not sure what to think right now. ive cried every day, but its come to the point where i dont even know im crying anymore, i only realize i am when the tears roll off my face onto the table.
i only blame myself, i should have fought hard i should have been stronger. how could we have come so far to lose it all? am i the only one left who will fight or im i real the one whos scared? we didnt do this for it to be this way, we didnt come this far just for it too fall, we made it for a reason. i dont know what i should do, because you dont see how amazing you really are. you can have any thing and any guy you want, your a dream come true. i know this isnt seen anymore (my blog that is). shes every where i look and everything i touch.
i miss everything about you, everything i loved:

i love and i miss just the sound of your voice
i love and i miss the sight of your smile
i love and i miss the strange you gave me
i love and i miss the care you should me
i love and i miss listening to your stories
i love and i miss helping you vent
i love and i miss being with you when your happy
i love and i miss being with you when your sad
i love and i miss making food art
i love and i miss painting pumpkins
i love and i miss painting blue turtles and zombie fish
i love and i miss your love of zelda, but unable to beat the duku tree
i love and i miss knowing that all i need to be was myself
i love and i miss standing in line to get you twilight(and that forks thing still sucked)
i love and i miss waiting three hours for a pizza
i love and i miss watching you shop for cloths
i love and i miss watching you shop for makeup
i love and i miss how you always have better ideas then me
i love and i miss how you look when you wake up
i love and i miss how you look when you sleep
i love and i miss how you where so good at convincing me to give you back rubs
i love and i miss how you made me feel safe
i love and i miss when we played tennis
i love and i miss how you called me
i love and i miss how you looked at me
i love and i miss how you believed in me
i love and i miss how you shared with me
i love and i miss how you make me try foods
i love and i miss how you would teach me things
i love and i miss how you brought me into your family
i love and i miss when you kissed me first when i was too shy
i love and i miss ridding to work with you
i love and i miss that you are so interested in so many things
i love and i miss that you trusted me
i love and i miss that first summer we had to say goodbye when you left for Purdue

thats when i knew this was love, this was real, and its exactly all i wanted. see you cry like that because you had to go. i went home and cried because i was so happy and i knew that i loved you and i reread your note you gave me and my smile didnt fade for days, you put me on top of the world.

i just miss all the little things that didnt matter but you made them fun.
i dont want to be scared i dont want to lose the only thing ive ever done right, after being wrong so may times i just didnt want you to go i fought and i will fight because thats just what i believe, because i believe in love.

i love and i miss you.