death cant find me fast enough

well it looks like i my have to cross a line i never dreamed i would need to but if some people wanna push then they should have realized i push back : ). so depending on this go i might be telling you ALL the fun details about me and crystals little 2 year relationship that she so convenitly lives out when talking about it so i look like a total dick. wellllllllllllllllllllllllllll thats all going to change because if she thought i was being "mean" well i might just blow her mind.

and with this. its goodbye.

in a word "love"

love. love is not how much money you can spend on someone. its how much time you can spend with them and everyday feels like the first day.

love is being with someone not just for the positives but loving them for who they are as a whole.

and threw this i know i love her :)

i love her when shes happy i love her when shes sad

i love her on her good days and i love her on her bad

i will even love her when shes mad

i love to watch her dance to talyor swift even when its not my favorite jam.

and i always love to hold her hand

shes my rock that keeps me whole but she makes me feel needed

love is taking her out on the fanciest date but knowing when can get mcdonalds in our pj's and she will love me all the same

love with her means that i can let all my walls down

love is everything around use that seems so simple that it often gets forgotten

our love is who can beat zelda for nintendo 64 faster

i love her when she sleeps i love to watch her wake

and i love every single breath she takes

this love, our love is what it should be

knowing no matter what happens day after day that love cant be broken and that we put that love into everything we do.

i have found love and this love is the best love that can be, i feel it ever beat of my heart and with every breath i take

thank you crystal for showing me what love is and thank you even more for you family and bringing me into your life completely and thank you even even moore for still loving me one day after another.

new year. new day. same old smelly feet.

well its the start of a new year. im still on break right now and im rather enjoying it at the moment. crystal is home and i get to see her every day. Christmas was really good this year. best ive had in a long time. i spent it with crystal and her family, and she got me really cooooool stuff. a movie: despicable me (witch i just watched) a dinosaur that grows in water. a new sweatshirt that has headphones BUILT IN! some candy :) my weakness lol. and this really really great smelling soap her sister also got me a starters magic kit witch i have a trick that i can read minds and crystal has no clue how i do it, mostly because im magic. and crystal also got me this really bitchin sword (plastic so i dont hurt myself) now she got the sword because i just recently got world of warcraft witch has been very fun until just today when i tryed to log on and my account has been closed :'( it seems someone hacked my account today and they did things that arent allowed so the account has been locked and i get log in. so now i have to call them between 7am-8pm and get it all worked out, apparently this happens so it should be an easy fix but it makes me made because ive only had it for like 3 weeks!

im very pissed.

bitches.....

in other news i had a family christmas party where we exchange gifts. it seems lame i know but its fun. see you dont buy things, you take old junk from your house that you dont want and give that. we put them all in a big pile and then unwrap them. this year i put in a big monitor for like the 1930s lol my grandma ended up with it. i tryed to get this wooden moose thing that pops out chocolate, but sadly i lost it and got some odd hook hanger thing, basically it will be my gift next year.

lets see other current events... my rooms clean... kinda.. ok so its not really at all but whatever, get off my back.

well i got my grades back three "C" and "F" not the greatest i know :( but thats actually really good for me.

im gonna be a teacher!

maybe.

hopeful.

.....

anywho... not much else still got so time with crystal before she goes back to purdue witch makes me sad, hopeful wow gets fixed or ill be left to stair at the wall till the weekends when i go see her. im thinking i might just live in her lobby. its open 24/7. got nice benches.

well i guess thats all for now ill try and keep up on this from now on, but im pretty sure your the only one reading this crystal so yeah... ill still keep up on it so you have something to read :D

bye.

im fading... fading away...

im not sure what to think right now. ive cried every day, but its come to the point where i dont even know im crying anymore, i only realize i am when the tears roll off my face onto the table.
i only blame myself, i should have fought hard i should have been stronger. how could we have come so far to lose it all? am i the only one left who will fight or im i real the one whos scared? we didnt do this for it to be this way, we didnt come this far just for it too fall, we made it for a reason. i dont know what i should do, because you dont see how amazing you really are. you can have any thing and any guy you want, your a dream come true. i know this isnt seen anymore (my blog that is). shes every where i look and everything i touch.
i miss everything about you, everything i loved:

i love and i miss just the sound of your voice
i love and i miss the sight of your smile
i love and i miss the strange you gave me
i love and i miss the care you should me
i love and i miss listening to your stories
i love and i miss helping you vent
i love and i miss being with you when your happy
i love and i miss being with you when your sad
i love and i miss making food art
i love and i miss painting pumpkins
i love and i miss painting blue turtles and zombie fish
i love and i miss your love of zelda, but unable to beat the duku tree
i love and i miss knowing that all i need to be was myself
i love and i miss standing in line to get you twilight(and that forks thing still sucked)
i love and i miss waiting three hours for a pizza
i love and i miss watching you shop for cloths
i love and i miss watching you shop for makeup
i love and i miss how you always have better ideas then me
i love and i miss how you look when you wake up
i love and i miss how you look when you sleep
i love and i miss how you where so good at convincing me to give you back rubs
i love and i miss how you made me feel safe
i love and i miss when we played tennis
i love and i miss how you called me
i love and i miss how you looked at me
i love and i miss how you believed in me
i love and i miss how you shared with me
i love and i miss how you make me try foods
i love and i miss how you would teach me things
i love and i miss how you brought me into your family
i love and i miss when you kissed me first when i was too shy
i love and i miss ridding to work with you
i love and i miss that you are so interested in so many things
i love and i miss that you trusted me
i love and i miss that first summer we had to say goodbye when you left for Purdue

thats when i knew this was love, this was real, and its exactly all i wanted. see you cry like that because you had to go. i went home and cried because i was so happy and i knew that i loved you and i reread your note you gave me and my smile didnt fade for days, you put me on top of the world.

i just miss all the little things that didnt matter but you made them fun.
i dont want to be scared i dont want to lose the only thing ive ever done right, after being wrong so may times i just didnt want you to go i fought and i will fight because thats just what i believe, because i believe in love.

i love and i miss you.

and when everything is gone. you are still there.

so its been a long time sense ive wrote on this blog and yet i still have six faithful followers lol.

things with me are different now. i had too lose the one real thing i loved. even tho we has said goodbye im not real gone, my heart hurts when it beats and i can still feel her with every breath i take, i can still even feel her hands in mine even tho there are not there. i dont want you to hurt and i dont want this to go on the way it is. its true somethings are ment to happen but its also true that we have to fight for things. maybe this was ment to be or maybe it wasnt,but really i dont care what it was i dont like it and im going to fight it with every breath i have. because when its all said and done, after everything has fallen so far, i still love. i just love you and thats all i need to know. there is bad and there is good but threw it all my love for you can only grow. im still hear, and i plan to stay, our story isnt over yet, this is just another page. you dont have to listen and you dont have to care, but my hand is reaching out to you with that same feeling, of the first summer we had. taylor swift said it as best.

Crystal, you are the best thing thats ever been mine.

im still hear when your ready and even if you are never ready again... i promise you, i still be here.
06/03/09

blog blog blog

ok so its been a while... ok so its been a looooooooooooooooong while sense i've posted. uhm life. life is good. im in school studying elementary education.(yes someday i will teach your kids, its fun to think about i know).

i have started to swim again, mostly because im getting fat, but more for the fact that i just miss it.
i still play games, a lot, almost more then i breath.
i really like silly bands now. i have started buying and wearing them.(if you have a problem, with that, you can go stand in traffic)

i recently bought the movie mega shark vs giant octopus, i have yet to watch it but when i do there will be a full post of what is sure to be the greatest fight of all time (even better the batman vs superman)

crystal moore, she is amazing wonderful beautiful and still owes me a back rub. yes we are still together and its been pretty good. our only real problem is that she has a justin bever poster in her room and wants to play pin the kiss on justin for my birth day (october 23) i dont know how well thats gonna go down.

yes this is a list but hey its been a while so get off my back, it will be better once i get back into it.
thats it for now. bye