no one man should have all that power.

the weekend? oh yes the weekend! so it turns out i didnt go to purdue as planned and i spent friday alone :((((( but staurday made up for everything! why? because i got my third date :D well...it was like 2.. in 1.. kinda... naw fuck it, it was date number 3. it broke off into 2 parts. meating at tacobell for some lunch and then her coming over for a late SCARY movie. (and yes i did this so she would get scared and get close to me. and duh it worked) i had thought about the possibility of a kiss but it just never seemed there, but it will happen at least i hope. after that i pretty much just played gears 3 alone with watching the end of a few games.

you break me down and walk away as i burn to ash. but what you fail to know is that it is not my time to die and i have rose from these ashes to be stronger then i was and now your words fall of deaf ears, because here, there is no love for you.

i have so much school shit i need to do and i also might think about working part time at my old job for some money so i can take this lovely lady out some more. i still have one day left on my weekend maybe that kiss isnt so far away :) birthday in 21 day bitchs!!!

welcome to hell

i honestly dont even fucking know... i want to put my fist through a window to watch in shatter and smash.
it seems that ill be spending this weekend alone. i can hear the air flow in this house, its so quiet. there is no movement no life. i sit back and wonder if i deserved all this from the start. i keep my life so covered in secrets that i dont even know who i am anymore. when someone takes everything from you, you become a shell. i trusted one person. and one person.. took everything and felt no sorrow and no shame and left me alone. fuck you. i hate you.

lets take it back

oh so i feel like i will revive this old pill of shit for fun! because lets be honest what else have i got to do?

so first of all i would like to start off by saying that i am finally FREEEEEEEEEEEE! and i love it. i have no more guilt and pain. there are no memories left to hold me back its all boxed up, even the bracelet that kept me tied to her has be removed. and some people think im being to mean about all this but fuck it, im doing what needs to be done. bitch deserves to suffer. but enough about that in a few days it will be nothing more then a bad dream.

on to a more positive note, i think someone might actually like me! i know its crazy cuz no one ever likes me. i had taken her out to dinner/walk followed by a movie. we had a really good time but i didnt get the ending i wanted because we drove ourselves :( and it was hot and i look a bit rough. so time went on and i tried for a second date but really didnt get any were for a while and then finally she said yes. so now date 2! now i wanted this one to work out better then the last so i stepped up my game. first off i made sure to pick her up at her house. then i got so nice cloths and was very clean cut. but i wanted to make an impression on her so i thought "flowers" but what to pick became the hard part. so i took about an hour standing in front of a million flowers thinking. i didnt want a rose because thats like over kill on a second date, and i didnt want like a weed or just a bunch of random flowers either. but then i figured it out, a daisy! it was perfect. a single daisy that had about four flowers coming off them stem. it was just right. it wasnt over kill but it said i like you and not just as a friend. so i had everything i needed now the pick up.

so i got to her house and made it up to the door just as she came out. i stayed between her and the car so i could beat her to the door to open it for her (i made sure i opened the door for her all night, she never once opened it so i did pretty good). once in i then reached behind her sit for the flower and yes it worked. so we went to a movie and she held the flower the whole time. after it was still early and i didnt want things to end just yet. she said she could go for a milkshake so instead of simply buying one for her i said "then we will make some" so when hit up the store got some icecream some resses and chocolate milk! we then went back to my house and blended up so damn good milkshakes if i do say so myself. we sat drank and talked for a little while till she need to go home so i took her back, walked her up to her door and hugged her goodnight.

now after all this we still keep talking and i surprised her one day by living a small bag of candy a note and a duck on her front door witch so also loved. and now i might get another date this weekend. lets see were this goes :)

as for the rest of my life? its good. school on the week days partys on the weekends and random xbox games coming out. oh and im 21 in less then a month, my life is right were it should be.

one last thin i also got a tattoo not too long ago. i got the zelda tri-force in the center of my chest! hard core gamer right here!

im still alive.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdKetIHDymc

i cant feel you threw the ice around my heart

fuck this shit. im so tired of the fact that i have to feel bad for everything thats happened to me. why is it when im the one who gets left cheated on hit yelled at and disrespected im still some how a bad person who is being too mean? are you fucking kidding me? you wonder why you need be yelled at because bitch you havent suffered like i did. you should have crawled on your hands and fucking knees and begged me. you act all sad and down like you have bad luck with guys but you are the problem. you never listen you fight everything, your logic has no reason, its like you dont want things to be good you just try and find reasons to fight. i cant take it anymore, stop blamming everything else and start blamming yourself, because when you break up with someone because we are talking on the phone and your bored and 4 hours away and you blame me for that fact. you blamed me for EVERYTHING. you flirt with other guys because i could only come every weekend. nothing i did was ever good enough for you it was always expected. well no you can go have all the fun you want with aaron cuz that little bitch was to scared to talk to me and fyi he will just 2 time you like his other girl friend and like you did me. but then again you 2 can just cheat on each other and it will be like normal. im sure you already have a few guys lined up that you like i know you dont really wast any time. you never knew what it ment to love me and honestly you never will. i may die young but when i do i wont regret anything and ill be happy with the life i have, because its not about the girts i can buy you how far i traveled or any of that it was about just seeing your smiling face and knowing you were mine. but what the fuck ever none of that ever mattered to you and now you dont matter to me. i hate you and i hope what you did to me happens to you i want you to really fall in love with someone and have them cheat on you so you know how bad it feels and then ill forgive you.

death cant find me fast enough

well it looks like i my have to cross a line i never dreamed i would need to but if some people wanna push then they should have realized i push back : ). so depending on this go i might be telling you ALL the fun details about me and crystals little 2 year relationship that she so convenitly lives out when talking about it so i look like a total dick. wellllllllllllllllllllllllllll thats all going to change because if she thought i was being "mean" well i might just blow her mind.

and with this. its goodbye.