im fading... fading away...

im not sure what to think right now. ive cried every day, but its come to the point where i dont even know im crying anymore, i only realize i am when the tears roll off my face onto the table.
i only blame myself, i should have fought hard i should have been stronger. how could we have come so far to lose it all? am i the only one left who will fight or im i real the one whos scared? we didnt do this for it to be this way, we didnt come this far just for it too fall, we made it for a reason. i dont know what i should do, because you dont see how amazing you really are. you can have any thing and any guy you want, your a dream come true. i know this isnt seen anymore (my blog that is). shes every where i look and everything i touch.
i miss everything about you, everything i loved:

i love and i miss just the sound of your voice
i love and i miss the sight of your smile
i love and i miss the strange you gave me
i love and i miss the care you should me
i love and i miss listening to your stories
i love and i miss helping you vent
i love and i miss being with you when your happy
i love and i miss being with you when your sad
i love and i miss making food art
i love and i miss painting pumpkins
i love and i miss painting blue turtles and zombie fish
i love and i miss your love of zelda, but unable to beat the duku tree
i love and i miss knowing that all i need to be was myself
i love and i miss standing in line to get you twilight(and that forks thing still sucked)
i love and i miss waiting three hours for a pizza
i love and i miss watching you shop for cloths
i love and i miss watching you shop for makeup
i love and i miss how you always have better ideas then me
i love and i miss how you look when you wake up
i love and i miss how you look when you sleep
i love and i miss how you where so good at convincing me to give you back rubs
i love and i miss how you made me feel safe
i love and i miss when we played tennis
i love and i miss how you called me
i love and i miss how you looked at me
i love and i miss how you believed in me
i love and i miss how you shared with me
i love and i miss how you make me try foods
i love and i miss how you would teach me things
i love and i miss how you brought me into your family
i love and i miss when you kissed me first when i was too shy
i love and i miss ridding to work with you
i love and i miss that you are so interested in so many things
i love and i miss that you trusted me
i love and i miss that first summer we had to say goodbye when you left for Purdue

thats when i knew this was love, this was real, and its exactly all i wanted. see you cry like that because you had to go. i went home and cried because i was so happy and i knew that i loved you and i reread your note you gave me and my smile didnt fade for days, you put me on top of the world.

i just miss all the little things that didnt matter but you made them fun.
i dont want to be scared i dont want to lose the only thing ive ever done right, after being wrong so may times i just didnt want you to go i fought and i will fight because thats just what i believe, because i believe in love.

i love and i miss you.

and when everything is gone. you are still there.

so its been a long time sense ive wrote on this blog and yet i still have six faithful followers lol.

things with me are different now. i had too lose the one real thing i loved. even tho we has said goodbye im not real gone, my heart hurts when it beats and i can still feel her with every breath i take, i can still even feel her hands in mine even tho there are not there. i dont want you to hurt and i dont want this to go on the way it is. its true somethings are ment to happen but its also true that we have to fight for things. maybe this was ment to be or maybe it wasnt,but really i dont care what it was i dont like it and im going to fight it with every breath i have. because when its all said and done, after everything has fallen so far, i still love. i just love you and thats all i need to know. there is bad and there is good but threw it all my love for you can only grow. im still hear, and i plan to stay, our story isnt over yet, this is just another page. you dont have to listen and you dont have to care, but my hand is reaching out to you with that same feeling, of the first summer we had. taylor swift said it as best.

Crystal, you are the best thing thats ever been mine.

im still hear when your ready and even if you are never ready again... i promise you, i still be here.
06/03/09

blog blog blog

ok so its been a while... ok so its been a looooooooooooooooong while sense i've posted. uhm life. life is good. im in school studying elementary education.(yes someday i will teach your kids, its fun to think about i know).

i have started to swim again, mostly because im getting fat, but more for the fact that i just miss it.
i still play games, a lot, almost more then i breath.
i really like silly bands now. i have started buying and wearing them.(if you have a problem, with that, you can go stand in traffic)

i recently bought the movie mega shark vs giant octopus, i have yet to watch it but when i do there will be a full post of what is sure to be the greatest fight of all time (even better the batman vs superman)

crystal moore, she is amazing wonderful beautiful and still owes me a back rub. yes we are still together and its been pretty good. our only real problem is that she has a justin bever poster in her room and wants to play pin the kiss on justin for my birth day (october 23) i dont know how well thats gonna go down.

yes this is a list but hey its been a while so get off my back, it will be better once i get back into it.
thats it for now. bye

sometimes love can even describe what i feel for you.

so i have to make up for a missed blog and this blog all on one blog. (thats blog three times in one sentence)
to start things off we talk about yesterday. i went to get an application for a job (thank you crystal for waking me up or i would have over slept) and i get there and i miss the time by like 20 mins... ugh.... so then i had to make sure i got up before the sun to get there in time. i also had a good skype with crystal (like always). its so close to when i get to see her and when she will have the "lights" CD :) thats right i said it :) she will even be getting a keytar soon! we also played some runscape and she has fallen behind. i dont know whats going on but she needs to step up her game a bit.



this is us playing runescape (someday)
the day i missed my blog not alot happened i did get mentioned in a post with lara craft who put me in her shadow but it was still good :):)

my blog is always missing picturs so.....




this would be crystal taking on the micritchus witch she beat by the way after a long battle.

today has been the same but i did turn that app in so im hoping to hear something soon.
i know someone was looking for a more interesting post but its not so much but i know we will have a great weekend starting sometime tomorrow afternoon:)

i love crystal moore just in case someone reading didnt know yet :
i know it should have been longer but i ran outta stuff to say im just so very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very happy about seeing crystal this weekend :))))))))))))))))))) and wew will be watching bed time storys too.

bybye for now.

if you want too see love, just open your eyes.

so i suck. its official. today was slow and i could hold a conversation with crystal tonight on skype. i could tell i wasn't being very fun.

why cant i be more interesting i feel like i always tell her the same things i need like a plan to crash by my house or something. im like the plainest kid ever if i was anymore plain i would be white paint.

i wont even post a picture cuz i cant seem too think of anything. ugh i just want the weekend to come already........

You Know Whats Better Then One Surprise? Two :) And A Nintendo.

so today i was up before the crack of dawn (known as 8:40 am!) to take an exam.
the only thin i don't like more then an exam is one at 10 am.

the test wasn't my best but i think i passed. i may have sneaked a peek or two but thats it i swear.... ok three but what ever.

so im talking to crystal right now (and i love her) for over 3 hours. i shared her dark secret today and we played runescape but ill let her tell you about it.
some wired stuff with that game because no girls play it. besides crystal lol.

and my best picture yet..



well my best random picture anyway. because everyone knows the best pictures i have are of the oh so pretty and beautiful crystal :)
who is going down at Nintendo all weekend while lights plays in the back round and p.s. we better dance this time :)
also switching back too mad mushroom because pizza hut is not worth 2 hours!

this weekend will be a blast and it all starts with the delofting and rebuking of the beds in her room :)

And then there were three...

so not a hug blog tonight. i have an exam tomorrow at 10 am so ive been studying alot for that. cut the lawn today witch was horrible till i got a text from a very special someone (crystal) who call me handsome :D so then my day was better :)

im looking forward to the weekend cuz ill be back at Purdue with crystal again :) with Nintendo 64 and a major beat down lol
she will try to tell you other wise but she lies lol





this picture is just for crystal lol she'll like it
so ill let you guys know how the weekend goes it should be tons of fun and a long post :)

everything is better when its chocolate.

so another post by me :) i had an exam today. totally killed it, except for one question i could really remember so i just B.S. it. i think ill end up with an A. lets hope.
Now i just have to study for my last exam on wednesday. this one will be harder but i should be fine.

and if you haven't already read on crystals. we are dating again and i'm very happy :)




im looking forward to the weekend and seeing her again and if you would like to keep track with us our anniversary is on the 3 of every month.we started dating 6/03/2009.
i will be bring her something special over the weekend :)

i will be on later with another post but right now i gotta eat this taco salad.
so good.

my weekend. was the best.

so let me tell you about my weekend. it was amazing. i had so much fun with crystal. our weekend, no words can tell of the fun. the rain the late pizza movies arcade games cleaning legos. it was just so much that i didnt want it too end and in only 3 days it starts again.



a kiss from her is like nothing i have ever felt before.
she makes me feel like nothing ever could.

like the feeling you get when you go on that first date with a really beautiful girl you really really really like. thats how i feel when im around her, when she hold my hand, that pure just love feeling all over

im actually blushing while i write this :)

i love her. this girl. crystal moore.
ALWAYS

april showers bring may flowers...and really wet clothes

i really really like crystal. a lot. x 1000000000000000000000000000000 i<3=u

she is the most amazing and the most beautiful girl i know. not to mention, so down-to-earth, she's practically dirt...is the best possible way.
she also smart and so much better than me at video games! sheesh, she's a pro!

if you don't know who she is(you must be blind), she's the only person that comments on any of my posts

she is awesome at scrabble and legos. okay, maybe not the legos, but i love her anyways.

<333333333
love her. always 6/03/2009 and 4/24/2010

its everything i could have asked for.

so i was giving another blog idea (by the one and only crystal) that i didn't post about, my mom on Facebook. i would have to say its really pretty weired. i mean its my mom lol. shes not suppose to play farm vile and cafe world. then its not fun for me anymore. don't ever let your parents on Facebook and if they are keep them off your friends list.

my second thought is how can you describe something in one word when there is no such word that is enough. the only one i can think of that comes close is gorgeous and thats how you should always feel, because thats how real it is :)+:D= me and you.

would it be ok if i took your breath away?

so my last post was horrible. and i got an idea (from crystal) to talk about crystal moore. sounds like a good idea to me :)

shes pretty amazing (at everything) shes the most fun to be around because she aways knows how to have good time. example from last weekend: hey arnold with mad mushroom pizza. quidditch and meeting the purdue red ranger. watching twilight (all of them) and i get to give her undless back rubs.
making 30 second vidoes with her. getting her feet in my face. getting grabbed by her hand foot so much i laugh uncontrollable :).
you could do anything and if you do it with crystal its 1000 times more fun.
blogging and playing cafe world(witch she gave up on)
i could go on and on about crystal. i mean just look at her pictures, shes so beautiful.

well i think this makesup for my boring post and if this doesnt put a smile on crystals face (and ill know cuz ill watch her read id on skype, witch is also fun) then ill post again with more stuff. bye bye. :)x10000.

i hear people wanting something.... ME!

so i thught i had a lot to blog about about but it seems i was wrong. my day was pretty slow. class was alright and not long till my exams. i went to the storage building to help my mom look for keys. yes it was pretty much a needle in a a garage full of crap. we didnt find them either, witch was lame. im ready to head back to purdue for a fun filled weekend with crystal. oh and by the way :)x1000. crystal will get that. my blog is getting kinda dull. i need an event like a big storm or something to talk about. oh im the purdue red rangers friend on face book. and a fan of the smc campus dog. its this yellow dog that just walks around our campus. no one really get close to him cuz he wont let you but hes always walkin around.

i need more followers on here and something interesting to talk about
(my pride. she hurts.)

i can't do this all on my own no, i know, im no superman.

so my post will be a little light because crystal told the stroy far better then i could so i just do a little recap. saw quidditch, was kinda disappointed about the turn put but it was still losts of fun. saw the red ranger and that was pretty cool. over all a great weekend and a great time with crystal. counting down the days till i see her again. so till tomorrow i will leave you with this. good night crystal and you will get more followers. i know your blog is too fun not to read :)

in my 80 years i've only learned one thing. don't eat raspberries.

so i told you i would have some story's to tell well i don't. i have something even better, VIDEOS. feel free to watch them, short and funny.

and also some great photo art by the most amazing Crystal (Cray) Moore.

we might have had more but bitches with a Frisbee ruined our fun so thats all for now. bye bye.

saturday.

so its 10:01(crack of dawn) and i'm down at Purdue visiting crystal. we had McDonald and some cookies last night it was pretty good, she felt a little sick but shes better now. not sure what to do to day its going to be kinda nice out mostly in the 50's. i think we will just walk around mostly till we find something to do.

not much of a story right now i know but the day has only started so we will see where it takes us.

oh and as for how to play quidditch i'm not really sure. i know that they run around with brooms and they do have to the three rings set up. some one plays as the snitch. so this should be good. ill try to explain better after i see it first hand.

weekends

so i was asked what my blog was about and i really don't have an answer for you. its really just random scattered thoughts that make no sense at all. so ill keep them coming and try to keep them interesting.

oh theres a quidditch tournament Sunday and i'm pretty pumped so ill get back to you the weekend hopeful with some story's to tell. until then i hopped i answered any questions and if there are any more feel free to ask. bye bye.

jokes. jokes.

crystal moore is the best most nicest sweetest funnyest kinddest person on the face of the earth. she only pokes fun at me to make me smile and anything she says is to be taken lightly and everyone on here needs to follower her blog because its the best blog out there plus the name is so cleaver.

the vortex

i think my blog got sucked in and now its lost to all or maybe theres an anti blog that says not to read mine. i bet thats it...

my pride. she hurts.

no one ever pays me in gum...

so this is a sad blog because i hab\ve but one follower and she laughs at me becaus e she has more followers and calls me a creeper :((((((((((((((((
still keeping up with the state of the union.

au! get off my Gold.

mid day

i was told by my readers that my posts are too heavy so i will try to lighten it up with a poem. please remember that i'm not that talented.

roses are red

violets are blue

your kisses are magic

and i love that i'm always falling for you

its a start and with each post maybe a new one but for now i'm out and very tired from yard work all day stating at the crack of dawn(now know as 11:01)

one more post.

my best pick up line of all time ( i like you) it seems to work with honesty

tonight

remember all the little things, because they are what make up the story.

ill always hold your hand.

we all will be faced with a test. it will bring the good or the bad out in us. its how we go about this test that makes us. if the option means to lose what you hold dear then you have to make the choice or forever it will tear you apart.
the only way to true happiness is too give up your for another. we all want the easy road but the road that will make us happy is the hard one. this life is a fight and a test of our will. i'm being tested and i have choices i can make. i weigh them back and for in my head. i worrie about the out come but i have to stay strong. if i miss a step now then it will be the down fall of all i carried with me.

i wonder if what i do is what i'm meant for. if how i touch peoples lives is the right way, but I've gone too far to think that now. i have to believe in what i do because its what holds me to the ground and keeps me close to you.

on a lighter side i have to get up at th crack of DAWN(10am) for fun fun yard work but the weekend thats coming keeps me moving and i stay up to date with the state of the union(thank you crystal moore "all read her blog please")

sad face

so i have to re blog now and apologize for the stealing of the State of the Union. from here on out i will no longer be posting one and the ONLY one to be followed is the one posted by "Crystal Moore" (and you should totally follow her blog i hear its really good. not mine tho cuz she has to have more followers)

1+1=3?

so the blog has only one follower. but its really the only one i need. i don't have much to say so ill just go with this for now; my current state of the union.

The Current State of the Union

IN

visiting Purdue

Skype

phone tag

blogging

getting comments

OUT

homework

yard work

being it

low phone battery

the here and now

i'm looking forward to the weekend. i'm hoping i get to go somewhere to see someone. i have thought about this a lot and i know what i'm going to do. its funny to think about because i feel that same fear i did before and i blush when i remember it. she may have been the one to do it first and sweep me off my feet the first time.

but this time i'm going to give her a memory and i'm going to take her breath away.

:):):)

:)it's true. Sniff. Sneeze. Sniff.

It's all those little things that happen that most people never see that make me smile every day because how much it means to me. some people need expensive things to look at too give them happy thoughts but all i need is a had made bracelet and the periodic table of elements and my face lights up like Christmas.

you know what you have is good when ones allergies, can make you both smile.

the random

Humbled :: calm

Buns :: hot crust

Snowstorm :: no school

Sweetheart :: sweet tart

Punch::kick

Glass :: full of milk

Classical :: music

Heels :: girls

Twitter :: who?

Husband :: wife

Fear is the mind killer

i think i could sum my whole life up in music lyrics. i could write a book in just music lyrics. how is it that these people have never seen our lives but they can say exactly what you think and feel word for word as if there in your head? if thats all music is then i need to write some songs just Justin Bieber would have nothing on me.

and what the deal with airline food anyway?

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything

"I often wonder if I'll ever finish all I've started, and the answer I have found is NO.
No, I will never finish all that I have started because life is about doing, the process
And not the result. Life is about doing whether you want to or not.
MY LIFE!: A constant work in progress and I wouldn't have it any other way."

SO LETS BEGIN!

i have seen a lot i have done a lot to get here, this place, my life. i had to lose much but in the end i gained so much more. lets start this here, now. she is what keeps my cancer free. so try and stay with me because my brain moves in more ways then 3. and this blog will change ideas after each sentence so try and hold on. (and thing may repeat so yeah)

most days i wake up and have the same thoughts almost every day. and that thought is "damn" i was touch and go for a while. one problem led to another to another to another. and then another. it was some shit. things just worn't turning out for me when it seemed i put forth so much. i sat there and watched things people unhappy with the life i wanted. people who cheated on what they should have cherished. it made me sick most of the time. so i am became something. someone untouchable who was almost a shell of a person. i stayed like that for a while but thats not where i wanted to be.so time goes on and i watch life pass for three years till my senior year when what should of happened finally did. i opened my eyes. and there (reading a book one row to my left, and one desk up) she was.

i starred. i couldn't help it but i did. i didn't know if she felt me looking but it didn't matter nothing turned me away. aside from the fact that i had too in fear of looking like a huge creep. but there she was. i had known her my whole life but i had never really known her. she made me feel things that a word cant do justice. but she will have a post all to her self another day (more like 5 posts)

in short this one has no point i'm just letting in flow right now and this is what comes out. but for now this is it because i need to Skype and do a little home work so till the next post

(and hope i hear my phone so i'm not IT)

this is the start of a rant that will never end. i have 19 years built up and no one will ever read it but oh well. i live in a world of "what the hells" so i'll blog. mostly i do it because i was pushed too by this girl. we will call her "crystal"

i don't have much to put right now because i'm pretty tired but in the day to follow my key-bored will get a work out...